Please Let Me Go
by soundsobeautiful
Summary: Live everyday like it's your last. Hold onto everything and love like it's the last thing that you will ever do. I'll always be with you. I love you. Please let me go.


It was dark that night, and cold. Very cold. I just remember feeling so numb, and I tried to blame it on the chill in their air but I knew far better that it wasn't that at all. The words Eli and I had shared mere moments previously were far from loving, not like usual. I'd known him for a long time. He had become a part of me, and I loved him like I'd never loved anything before in my life. He had this way of making me feel like a different person. When I was with him was the only time I ever felt like I could truly be myself. He'd made me open my eyes to the world. He showed me things, made me feel things I'd never felt before. At least that's how it felt at first. The longer we were together, the more it felt like I'd become a prisoner in my own life. I still loved him, of that I was sure. I wasn't sure I would ever be able to stop, but I didn't feel like myself anymore. Every time he'd ask me what was wrong, my only reply was that it was nothing. But it was something. I felt depressed, sad, alone. I did and I was. I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with how things were going. I was still so young and yet I felt like someone who had already lived an entire lifetime. The more time passed the more it was evident that I wasn't happy. I had a hard time trying to pretend that things were okay. My family life was crumbling around me. I found solitude in Eli. His parents welcomed me with open arms and of that, to this very moment I am still grateful. I'll never forget them. They treated me like I was a part of their family, and I'll always love them so much for that. But despite their love, I still couldn't find happiness. It was like my body was moving 100 miles an hour, but I was stuck in quicksand. I'd loved Eli with every bone in my body, but he had this way of making me feel… suffocated. I know it wasn't his intent. I knew that he was only loving me in the only way that he knew how. I knew that he cared for me in a way that no one else ever had, but he was overbearing to the point where sometimes I found it hard to breathe. I'll always have love for him, no matter how his protective attitude made me feel. But I wasn't the same person I was when I'd met him. I was carefree back then. I saw beauty in almost everything, and everyone around me. As time went on, things changed. It was as if my brain was on AM and everyone else was on FM. Even Eli, the one person who knew me better than anyone else. There was a multitude of differences between us, though I'd never found anyone quite as like me at all. I trusted him so much. I wanted to believe that he could save me from myself. But in the end… no one really could. I could tell he was growing restless with me. I tried to be happy. I tried to push the fact that I felt like I was trapped to the back of my mind and tried everything I could to find some sort of joy, but that was impossible for me. That night, that cold bitter night, had been my breaking point.

Everything that happened is foggy to me. I know that I said things I shouldn't have, and I know that he said his fair share as well. But none of it was justified in anyway. I remember though, that the last thing I said to him was that I never wanted to see him again. Sometimes it's a terrible thing, when you get your wish. I stormed from his house with tears in my eyes and rage through my entire body. I couldn't think straight. The place in my chest where my heart was meant to be felt empty. I'd rather I had been in pain than have felt nothing at all, but instead it was as if it was no longer there. I had literally become the shell I'd felt like the entire months previous. I remember being conflicted as I got on my bike. Half of me had hoped that I'd hear his voice calling for me. Calling me back to him. To tell me he was sorry and to hold me until I had no more tears left in me. But the other half was content with leaving and never having to be trapped by him again. I'm not sure that would have been possible. I was attached to him, like he was a part of me. I knew deep in my heart that I could have been his forever, but part of me knew that I was nowhere near ready for that. I would have given anything to change that other part… but I guess that's not how things were meant to go. I was meant to go, and he was meant for someone else. If he could hear me, if I could tell him one last thing, it would be that it wasn't his fault. I would tell him that it didn't hurt, and that I'm finally at peace.

_I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened to me, Eli. To me, everything happens for a reason, and what happened to me happened so that you could be happy. I know that I'll always be a part of you, and in a way you'll always be a part of me. I hope you never forget about me, but I want you to be able to let go. Open your heart to her, let her in like you let me in. Don't let what happened to me keep you from being able to love. You always did that so well. You loved like no one else I knew. Don't let yourself become overbearing. Trust her. Tell her you love her and know that no matter how hard you try, you can't protect everyone. You tried to protect me, but I was never meant to be saved. Live everyday like it's your last, hold onto everything and love like it's the last thing that you will ever do. I'll always be with you. I love you. **Please let me go.**_


End file.
